My Heart

Today I realised how much I love you. I don't just love you. It's like when your dream crashes, I feel it right in my soul, all the way to my toes. It's like I can feel how much your heart is hurting I wish I could just absorb it all. No matter what, I'll always be on your side.

Solid Gold

So many things have happened and changed since the last time I was here. How did I suddenly enter into the late twenties and turn 26? In retrospect, there's always so much I want to do, learn and make my life a little more productive and do the things I've always wanted. Why is there always so little time? Why are there so many places in the world that I have yet to explore? Have I been in this job for five years already? Time has passed me by so quickly and I really gotta make some major decisions in my life. Looking forward to whut the future has to bring... a house to call my own, a family with mini additions and adventures, always :)

Till the next!

A New Life

Just May, I decided to give myself a new challenge. For the past few years, I have been flying around the world. During my offdays, I find myself going out to enjoy the pleasures of life - Shopping and enjoying good food. In the first year, I would be excited to visit countries for the first time, soaking in all the world has to offer. Time past so fast and four years have passed. In retrospect, I still enjoy everytime I set foot into a foreign land. There's just so much to uncover in a city. But just recently, I find myself not doing anything productive with my life. Not learning anything, not using my brain for anything intellectual. I have become so accustomed to living the fun and high life. Not that it was bad but I felt I had to do something for myself. A person my future self would thank me for. Especially with the notion that nothing lasts forever.

I have always loved writing. I love how a person can express him/herself through words. And I love how words, set me free. So here I am at the beginning of something new. Juggling my flying life with a new part time status. Although it just started, but the struggle is r e a l. It is so hard having to sacrifice beloved flights in exchange for time. So goddamn hard. I actually questioned myself if it was worth it the first time I gave away a long flight. I guess growing up and transitioning into adulthood steers you to make decisions sometimes painful, in a gamble for a better life in the future. I knew it was gonner be tough but I didn't expect it to be of such magnitude. I stay motivated knowing that people in my situation has overcomed the odds and done it before. I take each day at a time. I really do not dare to look forward. I foresee days I will feel crushed, not knowing whut to do. But I know I'll press on till the end. I have to.

Oh yes I just turned 25. Omfg. Whutever happened to always being considered as the youngest in the airlines/set of crew. It's kinda scary and exciting at the same time knowing that in a few years, I would be married (Ok if Wenny proposes), having babies (If previous point happens), have a house of my own (On da way) and have a family of my own to take care. I just pray that everything will come together at the right time.

On a different note, I'm off for a vacay next month. Gotta book the accomodation and plan the itinerary as soon. I really cannot wait to visit the city B!

Till the next entry, be kind to one another! xx

If not now, then when.

And so with the remaining 7 days of unplanned annual leave, I picked up my phone and whatsapped my closest batchies. Adventure is out there and life is unpredictable. If I don't travel far and wide now, I never know when I can in the future. In a few hours, we decided to embark on a YOLO trip in May. Guess where's our destination!

...starts with a B!

Always a place I wanted to explore and I can't freaking wait!!!

for now... let's work on a bikini bod! Work out time!!!

2016

Home today waiting for my standby duties to be activated for tomorrow. Hoping they would call me up early so I have ample time to prepare. Found some joy attempting to make waffles with the newly-bought waffle maker. Waffles with bananas, blueberries, salted caramel icecream and a drizzle of manuka honey. Sounds very diabeties-inducing and yummy? Just that I burnt my waffles a little. Whoops!

H e r e

Because I'm lazy to pack my bags for a long flight. Don't get me wrong but I'm actually majorly STOKED for the next one because it's my first ever four sector with my batchgirl and double-trouble partner, G. Whut's more, Hongkong-San Francisco? It's gonner be cray. :D

L u c k y

Would probably have to be preparing for work now if not for the extra off day from yesternight. Feeling thankful for a therapeutic afternoon not having to think about anything, or abide alerts from the alarm, and just listen to Jason Mraz resound through my ears (and find my way back to this space).  

Just came back from To-ky-ooo a few days back. My long awaited annual trip with the man. And, I miss all the time spent together. From running to Family Mart in the middle of the night just to satisfy our supper tummies, experiencing a traditional ryokan together, which was super by the way, putting our asics on to work our extra calories off in our Ikebukuro neighbourhood, visiting an owl cafe, catching soft toys in the arcade, taking a damn long time to decide whut to have for meals everyday because we're surrounded by amazing food (just because, JAPAN =P), list goes on and on and on. But I'm just glad I've got my best, clasped arm in arm to walk down the streets wimme. Happiness.

And...le just turned a year older! I had the worst birthday ever. Because I was really sick. It was the first day of my holiday by the way. Felt so shitty I cried. Not surprising since my work roster has been the craziest. I lost my voice on board twice it was really starting to take a toll on me. I spent half an afternoon in our AirBnB apartment sleeping. Thankfully I got better as the days past. Yknow when you're still 23, it doesn't make me feel old yet? But it kinda dawned onto me that life's about to get real when 24 comes into the picture. Like you're a legit adult. And in year's time, a quarter of a century old. Growing up's fucking scary isn't it. Whutever it is, I just wanner make my life an adventure, like when I look back on life's memories, I wanner smile and say, awesome life, bruh.

PS: Thank you, each and everyone of ya who remembered and took the time to send me a greeting. And I just wanner say take some time back to say I love all of you. My family -- The ones who will never leave you on the lurch, and of course the best Mother in the world. It's kinda frightening because I think I will never be half as good a mother as my mother herself. She set the bar too high, it's true, mother's are the most noble people on earthhh. My treasured bestfriends -- 010 and Tricia, one cruising the Seas, one on Land, and me in the Air. Even though our schedules make it so hard to meet, I hold you guys close to my chest, and a little more to the left. My kmkz bball girls -- The ones where no judging exists, just heaps of laughter and even more crap amongst us. I don't think alot of people have such a friendship like us that we share growing up together. It's been too long since we've gathered, so let's? My closer secondary school friends -- Fred, XH, Chewy, Aaron, Karen, LOLers, Co-rocker, Becks, Kawan Baik, Bear Family, my MSN buddies I used to talk to wee hours in the morning, and those I used to be close with you know who you are. Thank you for the memories you've gifted me. Secondary school was like the best times of my life. My poly clique -- Wouldn't have survived poly without you guys, without bridge, and all our rebel ways. Then there was my flying 34th batchmates -- I couldn't ask for better batchmates. I couldn't be more proud when people asked me if our batch was close and I would answer, SUPER CLOSE. Special mention to my lesbian partner FSS Rachel Ng Wui Ean, the one I will try for, forever. My flying friends -- the special ones that really changed my flying life and keep close contact. You guys make flying so freaking worthwhile. To all the people I was close with once, too, remembered xx

Side note, I watched American Sniper and The Judge on the plane ride back from Haneda. Both movies, super tearjerking and awesome. The latter made me cry like mad especially when I had runny nose hahaha. And I finally got hold of my pics from my Perth holiday last year. Shall put it up soon!

Feng Tian Wei lost her singles match at the SEA Games this morning. I was so nervous for her I cannot imagine the immense pressure she must be feeling with ever ball played. All cheers for my forever idol in the sports arena.

Jerm, ...OUT!
       

Thank you, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew

You'd have probably seen a spam of this picture of the Parliament House uploaded across the various social medias and, here's mine. I joined the queue at 12 midnight from Hong Lim Park and entered to take my bow two hours later. 

Earlier in the day, I had just touchdown from Paris, reached home, when mom told me to on the telly. I scrolled through the programme list and realised there was a broadcast of the gun carriage procession conveying Lee Kuan Yew's body leaving Sri Temasek, Istana, to lay in state at the Parliament House at 9am. I watched. 

It was an emotional sight. Family members walking behind the gun carriage, the eldest grandsons holding onto his portrait, the heavy hearted Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong and his wife Ho Ching following behind. From carrying the coffin up into the gun carriage, making sure the flag laid over the coffin was draped properly with the crest and stars atop the deceased head close to the heart, everyone made sure everything was done to perfection, the best they could, clearly showing the respect this great man deserved. As the bagpiper performed Auld Lang Syne in the foreground of a clear blue sky and a half-mast flag, the thought of Lee Kuan Yew leaving us gradually hit me. 

Goodbyes are never easy. 

The gun carriage moved off accompanied with a convoy, set to leave the Istana for the last time. Passing through the greenery and places in the Istana, these spots didn't mean anything to me, but for a man who frequented this place, working in his office or just spending time in the Istana, there must have had many memories forged and amusing stories to tell that we will never know. 

The gun carriage made it's way out of the gates of the Istana. The first glimpse of Mr Lee for the citizens of Singapore who had lined along the procession route, some since the previous night. Shouts of 'I love yous', '一路走好', people clapping emerged from the loyal crowd. At one point, I saw people throwing bouquets and flowers onto the road as his gun carriage went past. 

There were so many people standing in line for him. Just for him. 

When the gun carriage finally approached the Parliament House, the overwhelming chants of his name was heard so clearly, even via the television broadcast. 

"Lee Kuan Yew! Lee Kuan Yew! Lee Kuan Yew!", they shouted with passion and heartbreak at the same time. Could you hear the people, Sir? :'( 

I honestly never imagined I'd be so affected but when it finally dawned upon me, it felt unexpectedly personal. I am 24 this year and some may comment that I had not been born in his era when I could really experience his influence first-hand. I may not have attended rallies by him back in those days when he fought so hard for the country and his visioned ideals he set out for Her, but I am aware of what he wanted for us and how it all come through and materialised over the years. Growing up, I saw transformation. 

We are not where we are over days or months, but it's because of Mr Lee Kuan Yew, his team, their slogging for decades that we are where we are today. 

Because of Meritocracy, it allows us an equal platform across the boards, creating fair opportunities for each individual. It instills the thought that we will be rewarded as long as we work towards our goals, moulding us to be hardworking and useful to the society. No pulling strings generally whatsoever. Nontheless, I have to admit it has surfaced a kiasu syndrome in Singaporeans that we need to learn to deal with and weigh what we want in life and what life means to you. 

Racial harmony breaks down barriers amongst the community and allows people to see each other for who they are inside and in turn embrace our differences and not judge people regardless of race, language, or religion quoting the Singapore Pledge. (Note: It is also why we have all the awesome food from difference races and cultures in one place.) The other day, my friend and I were showed the middle finger when we were at the metro, let's just mention overseas, just because we were Asians. Talk about racism. In this aspect itself, I think we have done a darn good job. 

Strict laws are imposed to strive to achieve low crime rates. No doubt, I feel safe and secure living in my garden city homeland. Something that Mr. Lee Kuan Yew strongly felt for too, a clean and green country. 

For the reasons above, just to name a few, there is a lot to be very thankful for. 

The entire morning, I kept tearing from time to time, watching TV specials, YouTube videos of past rallies and interviews all about Mr Lee Kwan Yew. I must say, only till his passing did I actually get to know him a tad better, bit by bit. I was so touched by his dedication to the country as I watched how he aged throughout the videos/pictures but never showing signs of slowing down to do his best to contribute to the country till the date before he was admitted to hospital. I always knew he was an influential and respected figure. But as of today, I figured the magnitude of his influence he has not only on Singapore but the world, is beyond massive. From the actions people have done to pay tributes to him, to highly respected people around the world coming to pay respect to him. 

Yesterday as I stood in line, I felt so comforted. That Singaporeans were rallying together in times of a mourning period like this to show unity and love for one another. People were giving us water and bread as we queued, just to make the wait more bearable. And when I read on social media that some business actually laid chairs outside their organisations so people could take a seat whilst waiting, and even a florist giving out free flowers for people to bring to the Parliament House, it really touched my heart. And of course, just seeing how many people turn up to stand in line just to pay their last respect really shows how much he means to the people. The wait was nothing compared to what you have done for us and I'm glad I was able to join the queue too, it was the least I could do. 

Was it on purpose that the line brought us along significant buildings and places in Singapore? UOB Plaza, Raffles City, Marina Bay Sands, Asian Civilisation Museum, Boat Quay, Fullerton Hotel. It's like showing and reminding us how beautiful and how far we have come. 

“I did what I thought was right, given the circumstances, given my knowledge at the time, given the pressures on me at the time. That’s finished, done. I move forward. You keep on harking back, it’s just wasting time.”

"I have no regrets. I have spend my life, most of it building up this country. There's nothing more that I need to do. At the end of the day, what have I got? A successful Singapore. What have I given up? My life." —Lee Kuan Yew, The Hard Truth

And with this, thank you, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew. THERE WILL NEVER BE ANYONE LIKE YOU. 

I am so proud to have you as a Father. From a fishing village to a unique metropolitan city. You build a nation we can call home and for that I am forever grateful. And thank you for showing us true love exists. Be reunited with your love, Sir. 

Rest in Peace, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew. 

[To Dear Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong:  I know it is not easy for you. In times like this, you may even just want to keep to your family and mourn. But you had to address the country on your father's passing. I guess sometimes we just think that you are superhuman. But know that you are human and give yourself time to heal. Stay strong our Dear PM. My deepest condolences to you and your family.] 

On a lazy afternoon

Slouching on my sofa listening to oldies. More than words just came on. How these songs get to me... :-) 

I just came back from my holiday in Taiwan. Off the skies for almost half a month. But I'm excited to get back on the grind because I've got my batchgirl G wimme and we're going to, P A R I S. How not to get excited youuuu tellll meeee! 

Have you ever had a dream and wished it never ended? That you actually got disappointed it wasn't reality and you just wanted to slip into sleep right away and continue the dream? Dreams dreams dreams. It was fun while it lasted. 

Have yet to pack my bag for tonight's flight... I better now! X 

So...

I am somewhere in Frankfurt sitting in the middle of nowhere with my Giotto loot next to me specially for the bestfriend.  It's freezing out here and my hands are getting numb as I type but the breeze is so damn nice as much as I hate the colddd. 

Heading to New York tomorrow! And would probably be greeted/or rather bombarded by ootds of people celebrating Chu Yi of the new year, their new year goodies stash/gambling black jack in between posts on Instagram! I'm so gonner hate those posting yummy pineapple tart pictures! Major craving for it right now. 

There was no Xmas eve, no Xmas, no new year eve, no new year, no valentines day, no reunion dinner, and now no Lunar new year. I guess SQ hates me to be home. But I gotta put the blame on myself, I chose to maintain my four sector flight during this season. So let's make the best outta it? Good vibes only! Happy flight to me to my favourite place on earth, NYC! Gonner be a cold hard winter there so... Brace! ;) Shall get ma freezing butt back to the hotel and continue my movie. 

Love always, 

Jerm.  

Merry Christmas!

A day I'll always remember. Popped the snow virginity cherry on Christmas morning. Sending love all the way from Nyhavn, Copenhagen. :) 

The day before Christmas Eve

Arrived in Copenhagen this morning. The skies were pitch dark, the wind was blowing, and a christmas tree stood brightly lit. It felt a little like Christmas.

Powernapped for a few hours before heading out to town. Not much sightseeing planned this time because everywhere's gonner be close due to the festive season. But I'm secretly consoled knowing that I'm a tad closer to the Northern Lights. It's really one of those things high up on my bucket list. To experience a white xmas, Christmas Land and the auroras. One day.

I'll be missing the entire Christmas season and New Year this year. It's especially hard being away from family and the lover during times like this. And it's times I think of people who I really miss. Not a day goes by without me keeping you close to my heart. Nonetheless, Christmas is such a meaningful season. It's the time of the year where friends and family come together to celebrate the gift of giving and sharing, to some, it may be a family reunion, and to others, just to gather in the name of fun. While we were on the metro today, a couple dressed themselves as Santa Claus. Then, they stood up and started handing out chocolates to everyone. A sweet gesture that warmed my heart on a winter day. My Christmas wish is for every single heart to be filled with love, wherever you are in the world. Cliche but everyone deserves a lil love, no? :) 

Been listening to Daniela Andrade whilst typing this entry. I am in love with her rendition of La Vie En Rose. She sounds like an angel. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ba_WoSZXvw

Shall end this entry here. 

XOXO

The Hanging Tree

So after digging out time on my offday and since Wenny's exams are over, we finally finally caught The Hunger Games Catching Fire (Part One)! 

After hearing mixed reviews on the show, some say it's too much talking, draggy, some said it was nice. Me? I loved it! Like  there has to be a build up to something big and this was the episode. I can't freaking wait for part two. Total mockingjay fan girl! And I actually stayed awake throughout the movie even when I was up from 2am in the morning to operate back from Perth. I am legend. I snoozed for 5mins during the show but it's a damn big achievement already. So you'd know I really enjoyed the movie. 

Had a fun time to Perth this trip as well. Got my batchgirl and khaki on board and everyone else was related to each other whether they have flown together before and such. Made a short layover flight feel so damn happening. Imagine if it was a four-sector? #FEELINGBLESSED 

Crossed the border in the evening with Wenny and his fam. Lok lok and wanton mee supper! And knocked out when we came back. End of chronicles of the day of a fat girl. 

Today, 925 laksa popiah and dessert for lunch. Power pack combi! Watched music YouTube videos the whole afternoon and waiting for Wenny to run over to my place. Where I'll be joining for long d run soon. 

Ps: Craving for Frog Porridge!!! 

Whuddap shenanigans

Missed me?  

It's 2:44am in Auckland now and I'm still up. Spent the evening with Lang Leav's poetry. A few poems particularly tugged my heartstrings and I thought how something so heart wrenching be translated so beautifully?

Haven't been up to much lately. My partner in crime is kinda the nerd right now with exams just round the corner. Go, honey! Can't wait for the upcoming weeks to come... December's gonner be kickass. 

I should probably get some sleep right now. Hoping to get my fav bagels before standby starts tmr! Goodnight for now.

23

They say you know you're catching up on age when you go to oldie restaurants for birthday celebrations. 

Thank you for the celebration my KMKZ ladies... You girls are family. *heart shape* 

P/S: Of course we had or nee for dessert!!! :D 

Her

Currently hooked into The Moon Song by Karen O. It's hauntingly beautiful it's on repeat mode on my playlist. 

Anyowayz, visited W•39 Cafe today to celebrate Wan Ling's super belated birthday! For the record, it's one of the few cafes that I'd actually say it's worth coming back. Reason being, they have such a variety of mains from ribs to steak to burgers and more... Pity they don't have truffle fries but their regular fries ain't bad either. 

I had the pork ribs! I was expecting the usual pork ribs where you'll have to pick up the individual ribs to bite off the meat. But this was a whole chunk of meal with a bone by the side. Fuss-free eating! Not to mention yummy! And I don't know whut's with me, been craving for ribs very so recently. Cravings satisfied!  

And and we ordered two desserts to share. One being this above, the salted caramel cake and the apple crumble with icecream! I was pleasantly surprised because I thought the cake would be dry... But it's moist and it's sweetness just right... Many customers were actually ordering the cakes to take out and I understand why... Sadly, we were just a few moments short because the rainbow cake was sold out! 

Simple meetup to celebrate a close friend's birthday. I hope you enjoyed yourself tonight, Loverboy. Happy to see you after so long. Last stretch of examinations, all the best I know you can do ittt xx 

Fixing a broken heart.

I haven't been this sad in a long time. I received some bad news today. I don't know how to explain it. 

And as I was browsing through my photo album in my phone, I chanced upon the last photo I took with someone close to my heart. I don't know how to deal with it but tears. I miss you so much I wished you never had to go. 

Are you lonely where you are? Are you happy? Are you looking down on us? Can you feel us missing you? 

It scares me that we are getting older with each moment. I don't think my heart can handle anymore losses. 

To you: I'm sorry that all I could do was to sit by your side and hold your hand by the death bed and hope you would not be afraid. I'm sorry that the only kiss and hug I can remember giving you was the only time you laid on the bed breathless. I'm sorry that I didn't have the chance to call you for the last time. I hope you received the the handwritten letter I wrote to you I placed in the coffin.

To you: I'm sorry for not being there. For always standing on the other side. I'm sorry for all that has happened but I just want you to know that I love you regardless and for everything you've given. I just hope you will be healthy and genuinely happy. Let it go. 

To you: It saddens me to see you the way you are now. And makes me more upset when I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry I can't be there to accompany you as much as I would like to. I wished I knew you better. I know you love us very much and I hope you know it's likewise. 

To you: I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from the fucked. I'm sorry I couldn't take the pain, sadness, worries and trauma you went through for us. I'm sorry you still have to work us for us. I'm sorry that I'm selfish sometimes but I promise to give my best. Because you're really the bestest anyone can have. Hands down. In a heartbeat, I've give anything just to see you happy. Love you the most. 

In every lifetime, I want all of you again. 

Dreamer of Dreams.

"Anywhere, I, would have followed you."

Back here in the United Kingdom, (AGAIN!!!) London has been my most frequented flying station for the past few months considering it is my sixth time in the consecutive four months... and one more flight here next month. Fated or whut! So blessed since London is one of my favourite places in the world. 

But this time's different, I actually spent my day after touchdown in my room the entire day. Extremely rare for me because I'm one who jumps at every opportunity to explore every nook and crack of every city. I live and breathe wanderlust and I know I don't ever wanner stop. So it was kinda different to be cooped up in the room and... Doing my presentation for school. (Hardworking student here) 

I must say I was rather productive with my work yesterday and managed to kinda watch The Notebook again in my laptop. Guess whut, I fell in love with the movie again. It's defo one of the movies that I hold close to my heart and can totally evoke feelings in me. Don't know how many tissue papers I used up! 

& by the way, it's 4:58am here and poor me is experiencing jet lag. Can imagine Rachel screaming at me to go back to sleep now but I've been up since 2ish. Always happens especially most recently transiting from GMT+1 (Paris) back to GMT+8 then to GMT+0 (London) back to GMT+8 then to GMT+1 (Zurich) back to GMT+8 and now to GMT+0 once again. Four long flights back to back, I am bloody blessed this month. 

Anyway, am already planning to get breakfast later from Westfield. I'm thinking Pret a Manger. FYI, it's my recent addiction. Their hoisin duck wrap is so yummeh, and love love love their almond croissants. And may be meeting up with my friend from another set and if so, would love to take a breather from my work and bring her to Flat Iron Steak in Soho! 

Million dollar question now, "SHOULD I EAT MY CUP NOODLES NOWWW?" :D

Blogging again in the warmth of my sheets, this time from Melbourne!

My layover here has been these two things: 

Eat too much 

Buying too much. 

Always in a state where I wanner kick myself for not controlling my spending! Got to put a stop of being queen of nonsense... 

So anyway here's how I spent my time down under this trip here...

T'was to Queen Vic. Market and of course the snack I'll never fail to whack is my Twister Potato! Comes in different flavours where they can dunk into as shown in the picture but my fav has gotta be the cheesy one *thumbs up* 

Another highlight has gotta be the Coffin Bay fresh oysters in the seafood market hall! Bought a dozen to share with my colleague Jasmime but greedy us figured it was not enough so ended up with another tray (meaning we had a dozen to conquer each!!!) Bought a bottle of wine to go with our oysters as we sat at the common eating area to feast. Almost perfect with a busker playing nice music, the beautiful weather and a new found elderly lady friend whom we shared the table with...  

So life's been flying here and there with time pretty much literally flying pass. And more often than not, I wake up to a foreign land every other day where the travel bug in me couldn't be anymore thankful. 

Now, I'm craving for Mekong, some Vietnamese phô joint in the CBD area in Mel. Should I has a bowl before call time later? 

Ok sleep first decide later bye y'all! :) 

Paris.

Currently lazing in bed because I'm a sick cat in the city of love. Was so sick in the morning, self-medicated myself the whole while, and am getting better just by waiting for the doctor. Talk about efficiency. -.- 

Was so excited for Paris. Wanted to explore the place so much especially with the festive season coming up. Champ élysées, arc de triomph, norte dam, louvre, etc on the exhaustive list. 

Went to the Eiffel yesterday in the night. I guess it's everyone's dream and it was beyond gorgeous. Will always remember that moment forever. Can't wait for my next trip here. But now, I can't wait to go home! Au revoir, Paris.